A little lesson

My mom noticed a lump on my throat last time she was visiting.  I knew it was there but just pushed it to the back of my mind.  I had other things to think about like taking care of my kids and attempting a garden and what to make for dinner...oh what to make for dinner.  So I made it to the doctor just before my mom left to go back to Washington.  Blood tests and an ultrasound basically just told me that I have nodules growing on my thyroid.  2 on one side and 1 on the other.  I had to wait a week just to find that out.  I went in to do more blood work.  It's 6 days later and I found out I actually do not have an overactive thyroid which is what was thought previously given my skinny-ness and heart palpitations.  So, now I have to wait for my doctor to call me back and schedule a biopsy.  I'm getting more and more scared.  I think the waiting is what makes it so hard.  They say it's nothing to worry about and in my mind I know that it's pointless to worry about something that could easily be nothing.  But trying to get that to sink into my heart is hard.  I keep having to take my thoughts captive and focus on what I know is true and nothing more.  I read a scripture out of psalm 27.  "and this I am still confident of.  I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  Wait on the Lord. Be strong and take heart and wait on the Lord."  This was fitting for me because of all this WAITING I am having to do.  I have my moments of complete victory where I'm solid and am not fearful.  Then I have moments where I'm terrified of what might be wrong with me and I cry of course.  The past couple of weeks have just been terrible.  I've been in rotten moods and have gotten pretty short with the kids.  My head is in the clouds and I can't seem to focus on easy tasks like doing the dishes or even just making dinner.  It seems to take me forever because I forget what I'm doing...all because my mind is preoccupied with this stupid unknown problem.  I've also been extremely exhausted.  Physically and mentally.  Probably from worry and not really because of what is wrong with me.  Any time my throat hurts or my jaw or my ears, I'm thinking "is this because of whatever's wrong with me?"  So I'm having a hard time identifying true symptoms versus psuedo ones that I'm coming up with just because I know something is wrong.  One of the things I'm worried about is if this will keep me from singing.  I noticed after singing for an event my throat was a little achy.  When I say my throat I'm not talking about a sore throat like you would get with a cold.  Maybe it's the glands or something.  But instantly I wonder if it's because of whatever is wrong.  I'm just praying for God to give me faith that I don't naturally have.  Faith that no matter what happens, I'm in good hands and so is my family.  Faith that gives me hope and comfort.  I had been praying before all this happened. I was asking God to show me how I could bring Him the most glory I possibly could while I'm here on earth.  I just really long to bring him glory and honor due to him in everything I do.  And this is still my prayer.  Lord, through all of this bring yourself glory.  I know all things are in your hands and you know whatever is wrong with this body of mine.  What ever is in your will for me I say okay.  Lets do this and let's glorify your name.  Meanwhile, give me the faith that I need and help me to stay hopeful and cheerful and patient for my kids and my husband.